The Fellowship and the Ring, part 1

In honor of Valentine's Day

Writing about tattooed wedding rings reminded me of a story I wanted to share about my wedding rings.

February 10 was an anniversary of sorts. In February of 1981, Hubby and I became officially engaged. We had known since the preceding October that we wanted to get married, but since we were freshman at a conservative Bible college we could not announce it, seeing as the college had a rule about freshman not getting engaged their first semester. And even in the second semester, couples had to have permission notes from their parents.

So I had my engagement ring, but we waited till second semester before I wore it publicly, and then, after I'd had my candle-passing. If you don't know, a candle-passing was an informal ceremony, where all the girls in my dorm were invited to gather in the huge attic to sit in a circle and pass around a lighted candle with my engagement ring on it. Every one could admire it, and try to guess whose it was, till it got to me, and I blew out the flame to announce it was mine. There were usually several candle-passings every year announcing engagements.

I loved my ring. It was a plain gold, medium wide band, with a small marquis diamond. I was especially proud of it when I went back home for the summer, before our wedding in October of that year. It was a tangible symbol of my upcoming marriage, and my relationship with Hubby, who was oh so far away, despite frequent phone calls.

At our wedding Hubby added a thin gold plain band to the diamond ring.

A few years later, we were on a visit to Kansas City to see my relatives. We had GuitarGeek by then, as well as LovelyDaughter, who was a baby. I had gotten pretty thin, and my rings were loose, and somehow, somewhere-- probably at gas station-- I lost the diamond engagement ring. We went back and asked if anyone had found them, but of course, no one knew anything. I see nothing, I hear nothing, I know nothing.

I had hoped Hubby would replace them, but he said he bought me a diamond ring once. He didn't see the point in doing it again. (Don't be too hard on him. Five hundred dollars --what we originally paid-- was money we didn't have at that time for a new ring.)

But I felt so lost without my diamond. Once I bought an opal ring to wear as a substitute. I had it soldered to my wedding band, and I was so excited, I couldn't sleep for days, till the ring was ready. It was beautiful.

Then, not long after, I accidentally hit my hand on something, and cracked the opal in the ring. The opal fell to pieces, and I had to retire the ring, but it took my wedding band with it, and I had nothing.

One year, I made a long trip to attend my great-grandmother's funeral. I went alone as far as Kansas City, and met up with relatives there to continue the journey. On the way I made up my mind to buy some sort of ring, just to have a sign on my hand that I was a married woman. That may sound strange, but it was the first major trip I'd taken without Hubby, and somehow it seemed more secure if I had a ring. I wore that ten dollar silver ring for a long time.

Then we hit a time period where several of our friends were getting divorces. It was tough, watching relationships break up, and it was not pretty, easy, or fun for any of them. About that time, something began happening to me, and I found that everything Hubby did irked me. In fact, I didn't like him anymore, at all, and I found myself fantasizing about going off on my own. What kind of job could I get? Where would I live? What would it be like to have my own life, for once, without a husband, without kids, without responsibilities? I know, "without responsibilites" was a total lie, but hey, no one said deception makes sense.

Also about that time, we were part of a group we called our "fellowship group"-- a few families who got together once a week to worship God and pray for each other. In fact, it was a couple of those families who were going through divorce. I began sharing with them what I was feeling, and those guys (literally guys-- the women had bailed out of the group) gathered around and prayed for me many times. Times when I didn't think I could stand the pressure, whatever it was, wherever it came from, to give up on my marriage and my husband and my family. Deep inside, I knew this wasn't what I really wanted, but something was pushing me, hard.

But those guys prayed, and prayed fervently, that our marriage would not suffer the same fate as theirs. One day near Christmas Hubby and I went Christmas shopping. We were miserable; I, because I was miserable, and Hubby, because I was. On the way, we happened to go past Swede's house, who was part of the group, and we saw the cars there of the other guys. On an impulse, we stopped in....

...to be continued.

So Tired....!

Sunday-- worship team; day with friends; company for supper

Monday-- put up trim in living room

Tuesday-- clean up kitchen after Sunday and Monday's messes; worship team practice; prayer meeting afterwards; LATE bedtime

Wednesday (today, all day)-- help some friends pack up after being evicted. Now our enclosed trailer is full of their household goods, and we are BEAT, just BEAT.

Thursday(tomorrow)-- Food Coop pick up at 10:00 (which means help unload truck and divvy up the stuff); talk to MIL about food for butchering day. Catch up on housework. Post TT list. I hope.

Friday-- Make food, lots of food. Post part one of "The Fellowship and The Ring." I hope.

Saturday-- BUTCHERING DAY. Hubby's brothers and their families, including us, gather at the folks' place and we butcher a very big hog. We'll work hard, eat a lot, and go to bed late.

Sunday-- Get up very early for before-church worship team practice and sound check. The service will probably go late because we have visiting preachers from South Africa.

If I weren't tired already, I'd be tired just looking at my week. If you don't see me around for a few days, you'll know why.

My bed is calling me, loudly. So instead of TT tonight, it's TTFN. You know, as in "Tigger". As in "Ta-ta for now."

Wink. Yawn. Snore.

Spaghetti

After I lived through a couple of days of fighting a flu bug last week, we had a big day yesterday. It was not our week on the worship team; however, two of the musicians who were supposed to be there were not, so GuitarGeek and I got to play anyway. And since it was communion Sunday, we got to play a LOT, because there is always worship music playing as communion is being participated in. (I know, terrible sentence structure-- it's Monday after a long Sunday.)

Then after church we decided to go out to eat with friends, but none of us are rolling in the dough this time of year, and the food needed to be, you know, cheap, so someone suggested we go to Sonic. This month, a local Sonic is running a special on Sundays: kids meals only 99 cents. So we went and ordered 9 kids meals. Yes, you read that right: 9 (nine) kids meals for five people. And the people at Sonic let us do it!

As a bonus, we got 9 (nine) of the kids meal toys. MB3 said it made up for all those years he didn't get to have kids meals with toys, because we were too poor to eat out.

We finally made it home around 4, and I went straight to take a nap. I woke up when DrummerDude and Swede came in. (That's why we had only bought meals for five people, instead of six, because DD was hanging out with Swede.) I got up and put some roast in the oven so we could have supper later, and shortly after that, Swede's son J, and daughter-in-law S, and their baby B, dropped in. Swede had wanted to surprise us, since we haven't seen his son and daughter-in-law since before they were married, much less seen their new baby.

After they left, Swede stayed for a while and we hashed over the day, particularly the stuff preached about in church that morning.

So as you can imagine, we were involved in a LOT of conversation yesterday, and here are some of the things we've talked about and some things I've been thinking about since:

1) This innovative, cute crib-hammock-thingie. I wish this had been around when my kids were babies.




2) This amber teething necklace. It's supposed to release oils into the skin that counteract the pain of teething, and help respiratory symptoms, and a few other things. I wish this had been around, too!



3) Why do some people get healed quickly and easily and others not? Why is it usually the people who don't even know God, or at least not very much, who are healed, and people who have walked with God for years have sickness and disease? (I have a theory, but I don't want to take the time to write it right now.)

4) When we are sick, or in trouble, which of these is the right way to approach it?:

a. Pray. Bring your request to God, and then relax in God's peace, because whatever happens, it's all for good, and God knows what He's doing.

b. Keep crying out to God day and night for the health and prosperity He has promised, and never get comfortable or complacent with your condition.

c. Do nothing. After all, stuff happens, and it happens to everyone, and that's just life.

d. Worry and complain.

e. Figure it's somehow all your own fault, and work harder, pray harder, try to be a better Christian.

f. Do spiritual warfare to break off the attack of the enemy.

g. Go to the doctor, or get a loan, or ask friends for help, depending on the situation.

h. All of the above, in varying combinations, depending on your mood, or the latest sermon you've heard.

5) This cool new toy Hubby is thinking about buying for the tree service.





6) Do you rinse cloth diapers before washing them, or do you throw them straight into the washer? (Yes, and no, but if you want to make an issue of it, then I have no opinion.)

7) We're all getting tired of being cold, and we'd like some warm weather!

8) This interesting idea:



Do you see what that is? Tattooed wedding rings! Our visitors, J and S, had matching tattooed wedding rings, and for some reason I am fascinated by the idea. I'm sort of seriously considering the idea for myself. I'd --maybe--like one that would be covered up by my real ring when I wear it, but then when I don't want to be wearing my diamond, I still would have a "ring." Makes me feel young and radical, just thinking about it.

9) How long will GuitarGeek and LovelyDaughter have to wait to have families of their own? Are there any good young people around anymore? If so, where do we find them? (It really set GuitarGeek and LovelyDaughter aching with longing to see J and S and Baby B. J is the same age as GG. And S is the same age as LD.)

10) Watching the baby made me realize that my years of taking care of babies were actually the easy part of parenting. (If you have babies now, please don't stone me.) And I wouldn't mind doing it again. Maybe. Or maybe that's what grandkids are for.

Do you notice how our conversation jumps around to unrelated stuff? Somewhere once I read that this is "spaghetti" thinking: follow a strand till it overlaps another strand, and, whoops, follow that strand, till you hit another one, and whoops, another topic. Either that, or it's just another way to get whiplash...

TT#22: Thirteen Books On My Desk

Thirteen Things about mom huebert

I happened to notice the other day that I have thirteen books, plus three bibles, on my desk. They are all on my desk--instead of the bookshelf--for various reasons. Some are books that mean something to me, and I want them right where I can reference them. Others are there because they're relatively new to our collection and are out in public view for reading before they get mixed in with all the other books. One isn't even mine; it's waiting to be given back to the owner.

Just for fun I have listed them here, along with a quotation I especially like out of each one. A book with a star denotes a book that has changed my life or my thinking, or in some way made an impact on me.

*1. The Christian's Secret of a Happy Life, Hannah Whitall Smith
"The apple in June is a perfect apple for June. It is the best apple that June can produce. But it is very different from the apple in October, which is a perfected apple. God's works are perfect in every stage of their growth. Man's works are never perfect until they are in every respect complete."

*2. The God of All Comfort, Hannah Whitall Smith
"All through the Old Testament the Lord's one universal answer to all the fears and anxieties of the children of Israel was the simple words, 'I will be with thee.' He did not need to say anything more. His presence was to them a perfect guarantee that all their needs would be supplied; and the moment they were assured of it, they were no longer afraid to face the fiercest foe.

You may say, 'Ah yes, if the Lord would only say the same thing to me, I should not be afraid either.' Well, He has said it, and has said it in unmistakable terms. When the 'angel of the Lord' announced to Joseph the coming birth of Christ, he said: 'They shall call his name Emmanuel' whch being interpreted is, God with us.' In this short sentence is revealed to us the grandest fact the world can ever know--that God, the Almighty God, the Creator of Heaven and earth, is not a far-off God, dwelling in a Heaven of unapproachable glory, but has come down in Christ to dwell with us right here in this world, in the midst of our poor, ignorant, helpless lives, as close to us as we are to ourselves. If we believe in Christ at all, we are shut up to believing this, for this is His name, 'God with us.'"

*3. Sitting By My Laughing Fire, Ruth Bell Graham

We are told
to wait on You.
But, Lord,
there is no time.
My heart implores
upon its knees,
"Hurry!
...please."

4. 100 Ways To Motivate Yourself, Steve Chandler
"If it's hard for you to imagine the potential in yourself, then you might want to begin by expressing it as a fantasy...Think up some stories about who you would like to be. Your subconscious mind doesn't know you're fantasizing (it either receives pictures or it doesn't)...Without a picture of your highest self, you can't live into that self. Fake it till you make it. The lie will become truth."

*5. 17 Lies That Are Holding You Back And The Truth That Will Set You Free, Steve Chandler
"...find out what you love. Pay attention...Think back to all your times of happiness in life... What did you love the most? Whatever that was, it was a signal to you. It was the universe knocking at your door, trying to tell you what your soul's purpose is...Listen. Listen....The next time you feel real joy, stop and think. Pay attention."

*6. The Magic Lamp: Goal Setting For People Who Hate Setting Goals, Keith Ellis
"Wishes are goals--but goals with snap, crackle, and pop. Goals provide the process that can take you anywhere you want to go, but they lack the inspiration to get you there. Wishes are different. They have impact--like being struck by lightning instead of by a lightning bug. They let you dream. They let you soar. They let you tap into a source of limitless possibility and boundless energy that gives you the power to accomplish what you might otherwise never even have imagined. If you want to make good things happen in your life, think in terms of wishes instead of goals."

*7. On Writing Well, William Zinsser
"Ultimately the product that any writer has to sell is not the subject being written about, but who he or she is. I often find myself reading with interest about a topic I never thought would interest me.... This is the personal transaction that's at the heart of good nonfiction writing. Out of it come two of the most important qualities that this book will go in search of: humanity and warmth."

*8. Dreaming With God, Bill Johnson
"Many believers discount their desires, automatically trying to get rid of everything they want in order to prove their surrender to God. Their selfless approach overshoots the will of God and actually denies the fact that God is the Father of the dreams and abilities within them."

*9. Pain, Perplexity and Promotion, Bob Sorge
"Sometimes we suffer pain because of sinfulness, mistakes, weaknesses, or shortcomings in our lives. But Job is a prime example that it's also possible for God's people to suffer greatly even though they've done nothing wrong. We must recover the understanding that it's possible to do everything right and still experience great distress and upheaval. 'Many are the afflictions of the righteous.'(Psalm 34:19)."


10. Keys To Heaven's Economy, Shawn Bolz
"When people enter eternity, having lived a life of obedience in partnering with God, they leave behind a spiritual inheritance. God is looking for individuals who will pick up these inheritances and walk in the legacy of those who have paved the way ahead."

11. Glory Invasion, David Herzog
"Have you noticed that you often can connect with God easier in a beautiful natural surrounding? I believe that all creation, in its natural state, is worshiping the Creator... when you are outdoors, you sense His presence without manmade music because there is a natural ongoing orchestra of worship via the creation."

*12. King James Bible
"Be careful for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your request be made known unto God. And the peace of God, which passeth all understanding, shall keep your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus."

13. Me? Obey Him?, Elizabeth Rice Handford
"No man can make you happy. It is Jesus only, Himself alone, who will meet your deepest yearnings and longings. You must find your satisfaction in the Lord if you are going to be happy."


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About Yesterday's Post

So what was that all about, you may be wondering.

Quite some time ago, I stumbled through a wave going over the blog world: writing a letter to your younger self, giving advice and encouragement to that person back then, knowing what you know now. I considered writing that, but I had no idea what I would tell myself. In some ways, I'm still that person, and I think I need my 70-year-old self to write me a letter.

But this weekend I found the Perfect Post Awards. If you want something good to read, go there. There are links to dozens of "perfect" posts, chosen every month since February 2006. It's like the cream of the bloggy crop.

There are stories like this one, and this one, and this one, and this one, and this one, and even this one.

But the one that got me really thinking was this one. In particular, this paragraph:

He wants answers to why I’m so angry but it isn’t anger I’m feeling but resolve. I don’t want to do this anymore. How many times do we have to do this before we get it right? I have a feeling that it’s never. That is why I have to stop. It is unfair to my own family and much too difficult to be a good wife and mother from the depths of a black hole.

I could identify with this woman's assessment of having to distance herself from her family. Even though I didn't experience the levels of abuse that she did,  it was enough. My parents were not malicious, just mostly immature and wounded. There have been things I needed to forgive, things to learn about forgiveness (which may be a topic for a future post), but there did come a time when I realized I had to make a break from my parents. 

I had help. I married a man from a different state, and he carried me off into the sunset (literally). Fortunately, with my parents, out of sight is out of mind, and as long as I stayed out of their lives physically, they left me alone. It was a different story when I went back for a visit. The moment I showed up-- actually, the minute I told them I was coming-- the emotional entanglement started to strangle me. Hubby will tell you that for the first several years of our marriage I sobbed wrenchingly most of the four hour drive home.

All that to say this: after reading that post, suddenly, I knew just what my 17-year-old self needed to hear. And for some reason, it has been very encouraging to my 45-year-old self, as if I've gone back in time and knitted up a lost stitch.

And that's what that was all about.

Things I Would Like To Tell My Seventeen-Year-Old Self

Dear 17-year-old Self,

I have learned a lot in the nearly thirty years since I've seen you, and I want to share with you what I know about you now that I'm this far down the road.

First--

You're right. No one knows the answers to your questions-- but that's okay. That doesn't mean no one cares. Someday you'll find out that you are smart enough, intelligent enough, insightful enough, to figure out your own answers; and they'll be good answers.

You're doing fine. Breaking up with you-know-who is wise, and you'll never regret it.

You don't need the approval of a teacher to know you have done well. Besides, once you get out of school, there will be no more grades. You'll have to make up your own mind whether you did well or not. But it will be okay.

Not everything is your fault. Someday you'll learn how to not feel guilty for EVERYthing and it will be a huge relief. That day is coming, it really is.

You'll learn this later, but I wish you could understand it now: You don't have to parent your parents. That doesn't help your lost and alone feelings now, I know, but at least it would take some emotional weight off of you.

More people care about you than you think. They just don't know how to tell you, or what to do to show you. You don't know this yet, but some people have issues with your parents, and don't want to get too close because of it, but that doesn't mean they don't like YOU. Some of them are even praying for you, and helping you in ways you don't know.

On the other hand, fewer people care than you think, so don't worry what people are thinking about you. Just do what you want to do. Most people aren't paying attention and really don't care what you do. And the ones who make all the noise are just trying to get attention for themselves and don't REALLY care about YOU at all. So just go right ahead. Besides, the ones who really do care are rooting for you.

God loves you. You know that, sort of. What you don't realize is, He LIKES you. Really. He thinks you're cute and endearing, and he likes your individuality and who you are, 'cause He made you that way.

Also, God knows right where you are, and He's listening, and He's taking great pains to help you navigate your way through life. Believe it or not, even though you can't see it, you are going to end up in the right place. God sees your struggles, and your great determination to do well and make the right choices, and He is honoring that. Take courage. It will be well.

And. All those walks to school where you think you're talking to yourself? You know, since you have nobody else to talk to? God is listening. He says you're actually talking to HIm, and He loves it.

You are trying so hard. You want to do well, and be good, and make things right. You won't always succeed, because some of the things you feel responsible for, you really aren't. Someday you'll be able to let those things go. But in the meantime, just know that you're okay.

Another thing. It's okay to be sick once in a while. And it's okay to tell somebody, including, or maybe especially, your teachers. And it's okay to stay home and get better. Those attendance awards in grade school? Do not apply. Just do the best you can, and don't worry.

I guess what I'm really trying to say is You're doing fine. You're okay. And it's all going to be all right. Really. You can trust me.

Sincerely,
Your 45-year-old Self

Keep Moving

Sunday we invited some friends over, and had a great time doing just about everything you can do with Christian friends: sharing, praying, worshiping, hanging out, eating, telling stories, joking, laughing, staying up late. It was a good day.

At some point in our discussion, the importance of movement in the church came up. "Movement" as in "not stagnating." Not getting stuck on one particular aspect of God, or in one way of doing things. Movement is part of life, and if things come to a standstill, there is death-- if your heart stops, or your digestion stops.

So I thought to myself, the kingdom of God is like a bowel movement? I almost laughed out loud at the incongruity.

Then I remembered: several years ago, a friend of ours was caring for her elderly mother, who began to lose her appetite and be unable to eat, and began to slowly die. Finally our friend took her mother to the doctor, where it was discovered that the woman's digestive tract was completely plugged from one end to the other. There was no room for more, therefore, she was not only not hungry, she was nearly incapable of eating at all. (Some heavy duty laxatives soon put her right.)

And then I saw it. I was not having a teenage-boy-brain moment. I was being given insight. Bowel movements keep you hungry, and healthy. And alive.

I hear a lot these days about spiritual hunger. We are supposed to be hungry for God, to stay hungry. We even sing songs called "Hungry" and "We are Hungry." I think the way to stay hungry is to keep moving. To not get stuck in the last thing God did, but be child-like and adventerous enough to go where He's going next. To keep learning, and changing, and growing, using all that's gone before as nutritional building blocks, not monument building blocks.

To allow the Holy Spirit to do those things in us could be a little bit like taking doses of cod-liver oil. Isn't the anointing of the Holy Spirit often compared to oil? Well there you go.

Holy Spirit laxative for what ails ya.

Just keep movin'.

'Cause who wants to be part of the Constipated Church? Never heard of it? It's a new movement, I mean, non-movement.

(Ugh. Sorry. Couldn't resist. That really was a teenage-boy-brain moment.)