TT#26: Thirteen books on my Amazon wish list.

Thirteen Things about mom huebert Today's list: Thirteen Books in my Amazon wish list. I have many more than this, but many of them are sort of repeats, that is, lots of books about the same subjects. I'm very thorough, and don't want to miss anything good! 1. The Abbey Psalter. The Psalms translated in cadence for chanting or putting to music, like this: Happy indeed is the man who follows not the counsel of the wicked; Nor lingers in the way of sinners, nor sits in the company of scorners, But whose delight is the law of the Lord and who ponders his law day and night. (Try reading it aloud, and you'll see what I mean.) 2.The Celtic Way of Prayer: The Recovery of the Religious Imagination. "Peregrinatio (Celtic word for a pilgrimage of sorts) is not undertaken at the suggestion of some monastic abbot or superior but because of an inner prompting in those who set out, a passionate conviction that they must undertake what was essentially an inner journey." 3. Prophetic Lifestyle and the Celtic Way. A book about one family's experiences with listening to the Holy Spirit. 4.Windows into the Soul: Art as Spiritual Expression. Ways to use art projects as a form of prayer and contemplation. Sounds like fun. 5. Prayers of the HeArt. An exploration of the role of creativity in the life of prayer. 6. The Divine HoursTM, pocket edition. A book for ordinary folks to pray the liturgy of the hours. 7. Celtic Daily Prayer: Prayer and Readings from the Northumbria Community. Just what it says. Actually, this one is on order and due to be here this weekend! 8. Journey Against One Current: The Spiritual Autobiography of a Chinese Christian. A woman's memories of standing up for Christ in Marxist China. 9. A Scandalous Freedom: The Radical Nature of the Gospel. From Publishers Weekly review: "I fear too often the church has become an organization of guilty people with a guilty preacher standing in the pulpit, telling guilty people that they should feel guiltier," {the author} writes. The oppressed and their oppressors miss the power of the authenticity, especially the freedom to fail, the joy of God's complete forgiveness and the boldness it brings. Sounds interesting! 10. Life of the Beloved: Spiritual Living in a Secular World. About learning to feel God's love for us, and how to blend service and spiritual worship in our everyday world. 11. Keys to the Deeper Life Six essays about Christianity. 12. Keys to Great Writing. More keys, this time to writing better. 13. The Procrastinator's Handbook: Mastering the Art of Doing It Now. Much needed. Plus, it's been on my list for probably a year, and I still haven't gotten around to ordering it....

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Not Again

We are watching the destruction of yet another piece of scenery today. About a quarter mile south of here there is big equipment tearing out a long row of trees where LovelyDaughter enjoyed walking. Another pivot is going in.

To the north of us, next door, so to speak, two more pivot sprinklers are going in, destroying what we always called "The Corn Road," a dirt driveway encircling the field, where we often take took walks.

Last fall, across the section east, the farmer tore out a huge section of woods where the boys had permission to ride their motorcycles. We grieved then, and we're grieving now.

This morning in my prayer book I didn't get past the first reading, Psalm 95, where it says

In his hand are all the corners of the earth;
and the strength of the hills is his also.

If God owns it all, isn't there a piece of scenery for us? Can't he give us a piece of our own out out of his great stockpile? We are so dependent on other people's land for our beauty and our recreation. When they decide they need corn fields and pivots, we are left bereft.

I am sorrowful and frustrated as I watch from the picture windows. I can't help but see, I can't help but lament.

I guess we shouldn't be surprised...?

LovelyDaughter has been working since last June at a local fast food joint, earning money for her trip to Scotland this summer. Lately she began to feel that her time there was about up. She's been very tired, and had cold symptoms for a month that won't go away; and she wondered if she could earn money some other way between now and next June.

So a few weeks ago she put in her notice and said she'd like March 24 to be her last day. The manager begged her to stay on till they found a replacement, so LovelyDaughter compromised, and agreed to stay till April 1.

Last week, she learned they had found a new employee who would begin in April and take her place, which was wonderful.

And then, last Monday, as she's getting ready for work, the phone rings, and it's the manager, who tells LovelyDaughter not to bother coming in any more.

That created mixed feelings. Relief-- to not have to go back to work. Letdown-- at the thought of not going to work. Whiplash-- at the sudden change in plans.

But now we don't know: did she quit or was she fired? Hmm.

The good news is that now she can work with the family tree work, earning better pay, and still have time to rest up and plan for her trip. AND, I get the option of staying home and keeping the household running. It's a great thing all the way around.

Living in Community

I have just finished reading the book The Cloister Walk, by Kathleen Norris. Normally I chug through books like Gatorade on hot day, but this one forced me to sip.

Ms. Norris, now a Benedictine oblate, fills a book with her thoughts about Benedictine religion and spirituality, most of it in the context of her time spent in the monastery as a guest. It's loosely themed around the liturgical seasons as she encounters them in the monastery, and the thoughts she finds herself thinking, and the issues she finds herself contemplating.

Much of the time the author seems to make things too hard, thinking deeply and convolutedly about life. For example, her discussion of the Virgin Martyrs, and whether or not a woman is better dead than raped, was more confusing than enlightening, although her final conclusion-- that some things are worth dying for-- was good.

One chapter that intrigued me was the one about learning to live with the Psalms. In the Benedictine monastery the Psalms are an important part of monastic life. The monks chant the Psalms often, day after day, hoping to absorb them in such a way that the words of the Psalms come to mind in odd and sundry moments, applying themselves to daily life. Ms. Norris found it difficult at first to chant psalms of praise when she felt depressed, and, conversely, to chant psalms of contrition or discouragement when she felt good. But --and this is what interested me-- she found something satisfying in submitting to the discipline of the Psalms, no matter what mood she was in. There was a meatiness, a learning of humility, to put one's self wholeheartedly into the Psalm of the day, even if it was far removed at that moment from her own life.

In my submitting myself to the Book of Common Prayer for the last three or so weeks, I have found the same thing. If I don't feel this way today, I probably will sometime-- and maybe very soon-- and if not I, then there is probably someone else who is experiencing this emotion right now that I can pray this Psalm for, in their stead.

In fact, I can give you an example. When I first began using the BCP, one of the Psalms I found myself reading over and over (I'm not sure why it was repeated over the course of the days. I don't know my way around the book that well yet) was Psalm 69:

Save me, O God;
for the waters are come in unto my soul.
I sink in deep mire, where there is no standing:
I am come into deep waters, where the floods overflow me.
I am weary of my crying:
My throat is dried:
mine eyes fail while I wait for my God...
Deliver me out of the mire, and let me not sink...
Hear me, O Lord; for thy lovingkindness is good...
Hide not thy face from thy servant;
for I am in trouble;
Hear me speedily...
Reproach hath broken my heart;
And I am full of heaviness...

I remember the first time I read this I thought of my husband. It seemed to describe so well the pit of depression he's been in for the last year. Especially the part about the eyes failing, because recently he's been showing signs of macular degeneration, probably caused by ocular histoplasmosis, which activates under stress.

I made a connection: Hubby's depression, stress, and beginning eyesight failure are related to his sense that God is not near, that He is not listening; that his prayers are not being heard or answered. He feels like he's drowning, and crying out, and there is no help or hope, and the feelings are showing themselves in the physical manifestion. The Psalmist cried out "mine eyes fail while I wait for God!" And Hubby could say the same thing.

So I prayed the Psalm in his stead, crying out for God to reach down and break through. I prayed it several days and nights.

And then, to finish the story, we went to a conference in Topeka, where one of the speakers began announcing and proclaiming healings, and suddenly Hubby turned to me and said, "It's gone!" He meant, the vision distortion in his eye was completely gone, and so was the headache. You can imagine our rejoicing, not only for the healing of the eye, but for the sudden certainty that the latter portion of Psalm 69 was coming to pass:

I will praise the name of the God with a song
and will magnify him with thanksgiving...
For the Lord heareth the poor,
and despiseth not his prisoners.




Another fascinating part of Kathleen Norris's experiences was her time living in "community." She had a lot of things to say about "real" life in a monastery. I admit, after reading, that I too, like many others, had a romantic notion of monastic life. I thought it must be so holy, so reverent, so meaningful, so restful.

It IS those things, but not without context. Life in a monastery is also: work, relationships, bad moods, good moods, sickness; even death. In fact, it is all of life in a micro-habitat, punctuated by scheduled prayer and scripture reading.

Part of what makes a monastic life different is the fact that the people there have made a conscious choice of how to live. They are living intentionally, and have made vows to that end. They make a life commitment to seeking God and living in the monastery.

The longer I read, the more I realized that in my family here, I am living in community. Instead of making vows to a cloistered life, I have made marriage vows. My marriage is my cloister; I have forsaken all other lifestyle options: other possible spouses, a career. I have submitted to this place to live, this particular home, this family, this level of income, this relationship.

As I write that, I realize someone may think I'm complaining. I'm not. I'm rejoicing, because comprehending the similarities between monastic life and married life gives depth of meaning to my ordinary life.

I have wrestled for many years with "doing something for God." I listened to many preachers who said that we were ALL called to GO INTO THE WORLD, and I felt I would never "be" somebody unless I became a missionary, or entered some form of full-time Christian service.

When my kids were young, I knew that being a mother was a ministry in itself, and I was reasonably content. But now.... now my kids are nearly all grown. Now what? Without going into details, I will just say that missionary work or full-time Christian service as I imagined is probably not going to happen. How will I ever be or do anything of worth for God?

Then I discovered the discipline of "fixed-hour prayer" --praying three, or four, or seven times a day, using helps such as the Book of Common Prayer, or any of a number of Celtic prayer books. When I take time throughout the day to pray, and wash my mind with the Word of God, I find something happening to me.

I feel part of a great community of saints throughout the world, and throughout the ages. Other believers, whether Catholic, or Celtic, or Anglican (the most common denominations that practice the liturgy of the hours) are praying the same prayers, or have prayed them in the past. I feel the "great cloud of witnesses" and suddenly when I pray "Thy kingdom come, Thy will be done, on earth as it is in Heaven," I realize I am joining my voice with hundreds and thousands of other prayers and pray-ers, and our joined voices are rising up to heaven and filling the golden bowls of intercession.

Something else happens, too. It changes the way I look at my own ordinary life. I can live a contemplative lifestyle. All day, every day, I can take time to pray, envisioning myself with a company of monks, or early Christians, or Celtic contemplatives and be part of that vision. I can be like Brother Lawrence, practicing the presence of God in everything I do. I can begin to flavor the atmosphere around me, as I soak up scripture, and, hopefully, the fragrance of God himself.

Then I begin to see my grown children as fellow community members. This is important, because sometimes in our family we feel an invisible criticism from society. People are inordinately surprised, and sometimes disapproving, when they find that all four of our children are "still" living at home, even though they are 25, 23, 19, and 17. We have to rush to explain that the oldest has been fighting sickness, and the next oldest is preparing for a missions trip, and the other two work in our family business....hurry, hurry, explain that it's all reasonable, and that we're not somehow stifling our children, and they're not somehow irresponsible.

I begin to see that, if we go about it in the right mindset, we are actually being given a precious opportunity to live "in community." To work, and grow, and build relationships, and seek God together. And I am becoming convinced that it is a good place for a family to be, until God begins sending them out, like seeds on the wind, to plant their own homes and families.

I wonder if they wear sunglasses and carry concealed weapons

Quite a few of the Psalms in my Daily Prayers lately have been cries for help and protection. Psalm after Psalm, and verse after verse, of "Lord, hear my cry" and "Be my fortress and stronghold" and "Hide me in your shadow." I began to think odd thoughts. What am I-- weak and helpless and whiney?

I was thinking these unhelpful things while I was raking yesterday, and in the middle of raking I suddenly had a new thought, a picture, if you will.

The weak and helpless are not the only ones who need protection. There is another class of people who are guarded, and it's not because they are weak, but because they are important, and even powerful.

Presidents. Diplomats. Celebrities. They all have bodyguards, to protect them from people trying to get to them, sometimes with evil intent.

Suddenly I saw that as Christians it's not a bad thing to need protection. Maybe it's because we are ambassadors with an important mission, and we have spiritual enemies. And that's when I saw the picture of us walking around with a contingent of Bodyguard Angels.

Cool.

I never thought of it that way...

Today we were out taking down a tree-- it's the beginning of the tree work season. Hard work, but now we'll have money!

In odd moments between running the chipper MB3 and I were talking. I had talked in the truck on the way to the job about today's morning reading in the Book of Common Prayer. Somehow we went from there to discussing the trappings of more orthodox Christianity, such as the vestments the clergy wear, and the decorations and stained glass windows. We talked about the huge cathedrals and how on the one hand they can fill us with awe and make us remember how majestic and powerful God is, and on the other hand, how they can also just make us think of how great the builders were, and "Wow, we must be a great church!"

So while MB3 and I were talking about it all, he came up with a great insight. He said, "Think how great God must be, that he could make a creature that can make something like a cathedral. Man can build incredible buildings, super fast cars and planes, and other things. That's pretty cool. We can even build robots that can do things. But we can't build a robot that can build something on its own."

I thought that was a pretty interesting insight. Man is as creative as he is, because of how creative God is.

Where Have I Been?

Last weekend Hubby and I went with Swede to a conference in Topeka. We learned and saw so many great things I just don't know what, or how, to share. All I can say is, if you are interested in the things God is doing, Go to the next one!

The next conference is in June, and there is another one in October that we are definitely interested in. If you decide to go, let me know so we can meet up!

(Find out more at TopekaStorm.org. The website right now still has up the information from this recent conference, but they will be updating it for registrations for the next conference soon.)