Maybe "procrastination" was my word for 2009

And if I'm not careful it will be my word in 2010 also, since this New Years Quiz to review the past year should probably have been posted, like, oh, three weeks ago.

1. What did you do in 2009 that you’d never done before?
~Well, I joined Facebook.

~I started using fabric shopping bags (that I designed and made myself).


















2. Did you keep your new year’s resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
I had thirteen things I wanted to try to do this last year, and I did five of them. I haven't really thought yet about making new goals. Hm. If I'm going to, I really should start thinking about it, shouldn't I?

3. Did anyone close to you give birth?
No.
At least, not in 2009; but very recently there was a birth in the extended family:



















Isn't she cute? Her name is Olivia.



4. Did anyone close to you die?
No. But someone close to a friend did. Oh, and there was another one, too.


5. What countries did you visit?
None.


6. What would you like to have in 2010 that you lacked in 2009?
More MONEY! More ENERGY.

7. What dates from 2009 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
No dates, exactly, but there were some highlights:

~My youngest son's 18th birthday party where we had 30 people over to make homemade pizza.
~Going tanking with friends (a blast) and as a result, helping my daughter survive a nasty river bug (a blast of a different sort).
~Going out for an anniversary dinner at an expensive restaurant and drinking champagne-- paid for by our kids.
~Forming a new band called Hanbury Tree:














8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?
Learning to become a mother to a married daughter and her husband. (Well, I'm still learning, but I think I've made much progress.)
(I know my daughter got married in August 2008, not 2009, but I spent the rest of 2008 just adjusting to the idea that my daughter was GONE, and didn't learn anything.)


9. What was your biggest failure?
Letting the garden go to crap-- again. And thereby not having a pantry full of home canned goodness to live on this winter.

10. Did you suffer illness or injury?
I've suffered something that appears to be an awful lot like fibromyalgia, and the novelty has definitely worn off. And that led to some pretty miserable days of feeling like a tired, lazy, achy bum and feeling depressed about it.

11. What was the best thing you bought?
A pair of fashionable, but warm and practical and comfortable, knee boots:


12. Whose behavior merited celebration?
Our friend Swede, who remains our friend no matter what and sometimes brings over meat and ice cream for supper.












13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?
Can't say-- too incriminating.


14. Where did most of your money go?
Groceries. At least, that's what it felt like. And that's not always the most inspiring way to spend money, especially when I have visions of new clothes and books and vacations.

15. What did you get really excited about?
Learning new music and performing with Hanbury Tree.

16. What song will always remind you of 2009? I Dreamed A Dream, as sung by Susan Boyle

17. Compared to this time last year, are you:
– happier or sadder? about the same; well, maybe a little happier.
– thinner or fatter? about the same

– richer or poorer? poorer.

18. What do you wish you’d done more of?
Laughing.


19. What do you wish you’d done less of?
Being depressed and achy.


20. How did you spend Christmas?
Snowed in, with my family snowed in with me.


21. Did you fall in love in 2009?
No. But I didn't fall OUT of love either, which is an accomplishment in this day and age.

22. What was your favorite TV program? Well, if I watched TV at all, it would have been What Not To Wear. As it is, since we don't have a TV, I watched as much of it as I could via You Tube and the What Not To Wear website.


23. Do you hate anyone now that you didn’t hate this time last year?
No.

24. What was the best book you read? The Triumph of Individual Style, by Carla Mason Mathis and Helen Villa Connor


25. What was your greatest musical discovery?
Two songs:



26. What did you want and get?
A pair of boots, see #11.

A pashmina. THIS pashmina:

27. What did you want and not get?
A cashmere sweater. (my hobby this year has been CLOTHES. Can you tell?)

28. What was your favorite film of this year?
UP.

The whole family watched it twice last week, and we are still quoting quotable lines out of it. ("SQUIRREL!!")

29. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?
What did I do? I turned 47. And that answers the rest of the question as well.

30. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
If my husband had not been sick and depressed. If I myself had not been sick and depressed. If my oldest son had not been sick and depressed.

31. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2009?
Learning, growing, changing. I started wearing black and gray, and dressing a little more sophisticated. I would say I've been giving myself a style makeover, except that makes it sound like I had a style to begin with.

32. What kept you sane?
Using "The Divine Hours", by Phyllis Tickle.


33. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most? Susan Boyle (interesting odd fact: she's my age.)


34. What political issue stirred you the most?
I'm rather distraught over government health care.


35. Who did you miss?
My daughter, when she was in another state with her husband for four months. My second son who has been off on a missions adventure since September. (but he will be back in February...)


36. Who was the best new person you met?
The couple with whom we formed Hanbury Tree. A pastor of a local Methodist church, and his wife.


37. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2009.
Keep my stinkin' mouth shut. Even if it kills me. No wait, that was 2008's lesson. Um...


38. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year.


"Call your name every day
When I feel so helpless.
I've fallen down
But I'll rise above this
Rise above this."

From "Rise Above This" by Seether.



My (Big)(Fat)(White)Christmas

Christmas came in this year with a blizzard. Fortunately, LovelyDaughter and JD agreed to come over a couple of days early, so they got snowed in at our house instead of theirs. And a friend of ours who was coming for Christmas also came early and got snowed in here, so we were set.

(Many other families were not that fortunate. JD missed visits with his family because some of them were snowed in by the blizzard in Oklahoma City, and others were stuck in another town in Nebraska. I know he was enormously disappointed.)

FOOD: Christmas Eve I cooked a small turkey--I insisted that for once we had to have turkey, for me, because to me that says "HOLIDAY"-- with mashed potatoes, etc., and pumpkin pie. Christmas Day I cooked a ham, and did verenike with onion gravy, etc., with pecan pie for dessert.

EVENTS: Christmas Eve we played "In A Pickle," and then we put out our plates. In the morning I put out the gifts, covered by bandannas, and filled the stockings with pistachios and candy. When everyone got up, we sat around the table and the kids took turns uncovering the gifts that Hubby and I gave them, and emptying the socks. Then we moved over by the woodstove and the kids gave gifts to each other and to us. In the middle of it all, DrummerDude called (!) from Costa Rica where he is on Outreach with YWAM. (By the way, my little countdown calendar tells me he has been gone for 102 days and he'll be home in 39!)

After the gift excitement was over, we still had the excitement of the blizzard outside, and watching the snow dump and blow into huge drifts. We didn't get dug out until Monday afternoon.

And now here I am, two days later, all the snowbound guests gone home, looking at the piles of snow outside, and the gray, gray day. No, gray is not exactly the right word. I guess technically the day is white, white, white. White snow, white clouds, white sky, white everything. But it FEELS gray. And that makes ME feel gray.

But I'm trying to feel sunnier. I got on Facebook and I answered all but two of the dozen or so "requests" that I've been trying to ignore. I sent back doohickeys.

I did something today that I've been procrastinating for several weeks. And I'm finishing up a batch of homemade granola that I bought the ingredients for a month ago. And, amazingly, someone I haven't talked to for a very long time contacted me yesterday, and we are meeting this afternoon for a visit. She has no idea yet how much it means to me, and I'm sure I will feel a lot sunnier afterwards!

A Change

So, I messed around with my blog a little and made it into a three column layout. Do you like it this way?

A Bit of an Answer

Last night we received some tragic news. A friend of ours called and told us that his daughter (a couple years older than GuitarGeek, and newly married) was hit by a snow plow and killed.

Our hearts are grieved and aching for the pain our friends are feeling right now. What can you say? What can you do?

This kind of thing always rocks my theology. About the time I think I have God figured out, something happens and I don't know where to fit it into my picture.

Is this incident a total freak accident? If so, then where is the God who has all our days in his hands, and planned our lives before we were born, and has all the hairs of our head numbered?

Is this then something planned by God? If so, what kind of God plans for one of His children to be killed? And for others of His children to be put through the agony of grief?

So then is this really an attack of Satan-- a demonic action? If so, why? Why did God allow it? Where is the God spoken of in Psalm 91 where those who trust God are under His protection?

And what about the stories I've read of miraculous interventions and rescues, of people who inexplicably found themselves drawn to pray for someone and found later a tragedy had been averted? Why didn't God intervene in this case? Where were the people who were supposed to pray? Or weren't there any?

It all boils down, for me, to one question: Can I trust God? Is He trustworthy? Is my life truly in His hands, or do I need to look out for myself?

It's a real question, not just rhetoric. Because the answer affects the way I live my life. When something bad happens to me or my friends, what should we do? Fight the demonic forces that must be warring against us? Rebuke the evil? Accept it? Rest in God's perfect plan? Give thanks in ALL THINGS? Shrug and say "stuff happens"? Believe that All Things Work Together For Good?

If I can't find some sort of answer I can live with, then my heart becomes overwhelmed with fear. If it could happen to them, it could happen to us! And if God didn't protect them, how can I believe that He will protect us?

I don't know for sure. I know what I think, but that doesn't mean much unless it's really truly TRUE.

However, I know this:

Last night I prayed, asking God for SOMETHING, at least a bit of an answer, and this morning I pulled out Daily Light, a devotional book I haven't used in a while and found exactly that, a bit of an answer.

Look at these excerpts:

"When Christ, who is our life, shall appear, then shall ye also appear with him in glory.

I am the resurrection and the life: he that believeth in me, though he were dead, yet shall he live-- God hath given to us eternal life, and this life is in his Son. He that hath the Son hath life...

If I go and prepare a place for you, I will come again, and receive you unto myself, that where I am, there ye may be also."

This then is a bit of an answer, and one of the messages of the Cross. There is hope. There is something more after this life, and it will be good. I suppose that's why the Apostle Paul said that the weight of the glory awaiting us is far greater than the weight of the affliction we suffer now.

Sometimes that's all the answer we get, but at least it's a bit of one.

Thanksgiving, or Pre-Advent

I was reading the online Divine Hours yesterday and part of the prayers included the old Thanksgiving hymn, Come Ye Thankful People Come.

I was struck by the familiarity of the words, even though I haven't sung that hymn for years. It was a Thanksgiving Day tradition at the church I grew up in. But reading the words, with no music, I suddenly SAW the words. Isn't funny how you can sing words over and over and not really comprehend their meaning?

For the first time I realized that the song begins as a thankful prayer about harvest, and goes on to talk about the great harvest at the end of the age, when God sends his angels to sift out the wheat from the tares.

It was the greatest revelation I've had since last Christmas when I first learned that in Advent season we not only remember and celebrate Christ's first Advent, but we remind and ready ourselves for his Second Advent.

This Thanksgiving hymn is also sort of an Advent hymn, reminding us that as we're being thankful for our earthly harvest, we should remember and be ready for the Great Last Harvest.

And I love this prayer from the song:

"grant that we wholesome grain and pure may be."

That is my prayer this Thanksgiving, pre-Advent week: that God, by His gracious Spirit would make me pure and wholesome grain.

Here are all the words, from HymnSite.com Home


694. Come, Ye Thankful People, Come
Text: Henry Alford, 1810-1871
Music: George J. Elvey, 1816-1893
Tune: ST. GEORGE'S WINDSOR, Meter: 77.77 D

1. Come, ye thankful people, come,
raise the song of harvest home;
all is safely gathered in,
ere the winter storms begin.
God our Maker doth provide
for our wants to be supplied;
come to God's own temple, come,
raise the song of harvest home.

2. All the world is God's own field,
fruit as praise to God we yield;
wheat and tares together sown
are to joy or sorrow grown;
first the blade and then the ear,
then the full corn shall appear;
Lord of harvest, grant that we
wholesome grain and pure may be.

3. For the Lord our God shall come,
and shall take the harvest home;
from the field shall in that day
all offenses purge away,
giving angels charge at last
in the fire the tares to cast;
but the fruitful ears to store
in the garner evermore.

4. Even so, Lord, quickly come,
bring thy final harvest home;
gather thou thy people in,
free from sorrow, free from sin,
there, forever purified,
in thy presence to abide;
come, with all thine angels, come,
raise the glorious harvest home.

The Lookout Point

I've been on a bit of a kick now since I joined Facebook. A desire has grown in me to find out what has happened to many people I knew in the past. Where are they now? What are they doing?

I feel a bit like I've been on a long mountain hike. I started out at the bottom with many other people my own age, and we took off on our own paths. Now I'm at a lookout point, where I can stand and look out over the valley and the path I've come and I find myself wanting to touch base with those who started out the same time I did.

It's been a bit difficult, though. I'm sure most of my girl friends are married, and I have no idea what their married names are. I've found a few of the guys I knew, but most of them I was not exactly on speaking terms with, so why would I start now?

Then I decided I wanted to look up my first boyfriend, T. I had a horrendous crush on him when I was in 7th grade. By the time I was in 9th grade, he decided he liked me too, and we dated exclusively for a couple of years. In fact, it began to look as if Fate had determined to link our lives together.

But something wasn't right. For one thing, I wanted God to choose my husband, not fate. I determined to make a break, but T didn't feel the same, and instead asked me to marry him. I was only 17 at the time, but he was 19 and off to college. He wanted to get this settled.

Eventually, after much time spent literally on my knees, I managed to give him a "No" that he understood, though he promised to not give up yet.

At the end of my first year at college, I was engaged to Hubby and planning a Fall wedding. At home I found a letter waiting me from T, asking for one last "date." I agreed to the picnic, just to say a permanent good-bye. He offered to continue to be my friend after my marriage, to be someone I could talk to about things I couldn't talk to my husband about (!!) but that was the final nail in the coffin and I left him behind with no regrets.

Now after all these years I became curious. Did he go on to have a good life? Did he find a girl to marry? Did he do well? Or did he become an alcoholic like his father? Did he make it or did he not? Was he even still alive?

Yesterday I searched for him (oh, the glories of Google) and I FOUND him.

That is, I found his obituary. He died in the spring of 2008, after having a good life with a wife and two daughters, and honored for his volunteerism.

I'm glad he did well, and I'm glad to find I have no more interest in him than in any of my past acquaintances (no hidden broken heart here). I'm not sorry at all that I chose Hubby over T.

But the oddest thing about this incident is that I found I was not surprised at all that he had died. In a sense, he died to me 29 years ago. What surprised me was that he had a life.

I saw his picture on the memorial plaque the volunteer organization erected for him, and I recognized him. All I had remembered over the years was the 20-year-old that left me with a bad taste in my mouth, but I saw in his eyes the 15-year-old that I so admired. I'm sorry he only made it this far, and not to the top of the mountain.

Good-bye, T, for the last time.

Back again, till the cord dies again...

So Hubby fixed my computer cord AGAIN, and here I am!

But not for long at the moment, because it's time to make supper, and hungry people don't go away, they just keep getting hungrier.

However, I have been busy doing many different things, and NOT doing many different things. After all, it takes time and energy to cook, clean, procrastinate, and shop. And now I have a list about six feet long of things I'd like to write about, such as:

*my latest wardrobe acquisitions, including a pair of Born boots which somebody somewhere must have used my foot for the pattern for.

*our trip to Colorado to play with the One Chord worship team for a weekend conference.

*MB3's new project: a cello!!

*the emotional aftermath of two--TWO--families we are friends with moving away in the SAME WEEK.

*how excited I am to have a reason to practice my four-string guitar again.

And I have a list just as long of things I've been thinking about that don't really deserve blog posts. I think it's middle-age angst. But you don't want to hear all that, so I'll spare you.

And with that, I'm off to make pizza.