The MD 20/20 went to The Big Wine Cellar In The Sky, otherwise known as Down the Drain. It was fit for neither man nor beast, and I know because we and the cats both sniffed disdainfully at it and turned away after one sip. Also, despite the fact that it smells like fuel, it doesn't burn worth a darn.
Our next try, at the suggestion of Carrie, was Yellowtail Merlot (which I found, to my chagrin, is not pronounced MER-lot, but mer-LOW.) Honestly, we couldn't tell much difference. There was the not sense that we were poisoning ourselves, like with the MD 20/20, but the taste was awfully similar to our bourgeoisie tastebuds.
Our third try was champagne, which we liked, but is impractical for everyday use.
Besides, it still doesn't resemble this:
"Here you are, mother," said Bacchus, dipping a pitcher in the cottage well and handing it to her. But what it was now was not water but the richest wine, red as red-currant jelly, smooth as oil, strong as beef, warming as tea, cooling as dew.
"Eh, you've done something to our well," said the old woman. "That makes a nice change, that does." And she jumped out of bed.
[from Prince Caspian, by C.S. Lewis.}
...a flask half full (he knew there were some people who would have said half empty) of a quite palatable wine-- rather frisky, with some floral notes and a nice, lingering, jaunty sort of finish."
[from Once Upon a Marigold, by Jean Ferris.]
Or even this:
Then Mrs. Beaver handed round in the dark a little flask out of which everyone drank something-- it made one cough and splutter a little and stung the throat but it also made you feel deliciously warm after you'd swallowed it-- and everyone went straight to sleep.
[from The Lion, The Witch, and The Wardrobe, by C.S. Lewis.]
I figure, if I can't have wine that tastes good at least it should put me to sleep.
However, last night I found a redeeming use for the Merlot: You make your pork loin drink it.
I cut up some pork loin into chunky strips and splashed a generous amount of Merlot all over it. Generous, meaning, I think I drowned the poor meat, but it didn't look at all sorry, since I've never seen meat absorb liquid like that. Whatever I think of wine, the pork liked it.
I stirred the meat and wine around, and sprinkled ginger and sugar all over it, and then sauteed it in peanut oil till it was done. And oh my, oh my! That meat was tender and very, very tasty. It was a hit, and the wine saved itself from demise.
So, do you have any other great uses for wine that do not involve actually drinking it?