Perhaps I Was A Little Hasty

I wrote last time that I was taking one day to look back at memories, and then-- "forward and onward."

Um. That sure sounded good written down, but I think that doesn't really work.

In reality, it's been going more like this: Friday morning Hubby and I hashed over all the events of the wedding and the ramifications of the changes in our lives. In the afternoon, ditto with the boys. By evening I was numb. No feelings at all, unless you count exhaustion. Especially since I didn't sleep from three o'clock on, the night before.

Saturday morning we unpacked and put away all the wedding stuff and cleaned everything up. In the afternoon, we had a birthday party to go to. In the evening, JD and LovelyDaughter opened their gifts, and we got to bed just after midnight.

Sunday morning, we were up early since it was our Sunday on the worship team. Then, JD's grandparents invited us out to eat. I managed to get in a nap-- much needed, since I didn't sleep well the night before: I kept waking up in a panic, thinking I had to get ready for the wedding-- and then I made supper for the family and JD's mom and sister.

I tell you all that so that you see I have had no time, really, to look either back or forward. But the volcano is bubbling, and once in a while I get a little eruption of emotion.

I think perhaps I will have days of mostly looking forward, with an occasional burst of grieving for the past.

And, mostly, odd moments of fear because I actually CAN'T see ahead very far, and I really have no idea, really, what life will be like with a married daughter. I can GUESS. I know what a couple of possible scenarios will be, but I don't truly KNOW.

I'm a little frightened and worried, while at the same time knowing all will be well and good.

Just breathe deep and take it slow.