Wanting To Believe

I had a dream two nights ago.

Before I tell you about it though, I have to confess something: I believe God speaks through dreams.

Not that every dream a person has is a message from God. Just that sometimes dreams are a vehicle God uses to communicate with us. There are many examples in the bible, and I've heard many stories of people today who have heard from God via a dream. I've had quite a few myself.

It's been a while since I've had one of those dreams. In fact, it's been a while since I've had any dream at all, that I can remember, so I took notice.

In the dream, I was sitting and chatting with someone, when a dark-haired girl about nine or ten years old walked up to me. She was trembling just a little, and she looked intently right into my eyes.

In almost a whisper, she said forcefully, "Your days are numbered!"

I thought, "Oh wow, this person with me is hearing me get a prophetic word! I'd better explain."

So I turned to the person and said, "That sounds strange, to be told my days are numbered, but really, it means God has heard my prayers, because for a while now I've been praying for God to teach me to number my days."

(And that's true, I have been praying that, from Psalm 90, verse 12: "Teach us to number our days, that we may apply our hearts unto wisdom.")

When I woke up, my first reaction was fear, because usually the phrase, "your days are numbered" has a bad connotation. But I reassured myself that in the dream it was a good thing.

Later I told Hubby about it, wondering out loud what it could mean. The girl was so intent, her eyes boring right into me, that it seemed like it must have significance.

Then, suddenly, I remembered another verse:

"In your book were written all the days that were formed for me, when none of them as yet existed." (Psalm 139:16)

I began to cry. God has my life in his book. Each day is accounted for. Even when I feel like I have no dreams, or I'm trapped, or I'm failing.

That's exactly what I needed to hear.

You see, while life has been good this summer, and full of changes and excitement, when it all comes down, it's been about LovelyDaughter and HER dreams.

Of course, it's all part of my dreams, too, to see my daughter (and all the boys, too) well married and successfully living their lives.

But after next week, life will be back to MY life. No wedding, no honeymoon, no big plans to travel, or be missionaries, or move to another state, or...or anything. Because those are LovelyDaughter's and JD's dreams.

It's been fun to piggyback on their dreams this summer. It feels like life is going somewhere, even though, really, MY life is just staying right here, helping with tree work, supporting Hubby through his depression, doing dishes, cooking meals, trying to help GuitarGeek overcome his chronic fatigue, living with dirty socks and gross jokes and loud music, and other people's stuff everywhere.

But-- God just told me that my days are numbered. He's keeping track. And it's all adding up to a great book someday!

DISCLAIMER: I love my boys very much; even though I joke about "living in a boys dorm," the socks DO get washed, and the grossness only happens occasionally, and the stuff eventually gets picked up, and the music is not loud ALL the time. But some days it still adds up to feeling like my life is all about other people, and who am I?