Wednesday, August 20, 2008

Wanting To Believe

I had a dream two nights ago.

Before I tell you about it though, I have to confess something: I believe God speaks through dreams.

Not that every dream a person has is a message from God. Just that sometimes dreams are a vehicle God uses to communicate with us. There are many examples in the bible, and I've heard many stories of people today who have heard from God via a dream. I've had quite a few myself.

It's been a while since I've had one of those dreams. In fact, it's been a while since I've had any dream at all, that I can remember, so I took notice.

In the dream, I was sitting and chatting with someone, when a dark-haired girl about nine or ten years old walked up to me. She was trembling just a little, and she looked intently right into my eyes.

In almost a whisper, she said forcefully, "Your days are numbered!"

I thought, "Oh wow, this person with me is hearing me get a prophetic word! I'd better explain."

So I turned to the person and said, "That sounds strange, to be told my days are numbered, but really, it means God has heard my prayers, because for a while now I've been praying for God to teach me to number my days."

(And that's true, I have been praying that, from Psalm 90, verse 12: "Teach us to number our days, that we may apply our hearts unto wisdom.")

When I woke up, my first reaction was fear, because usually the phrase, "your days are numbered" has a bad connotation. But I reassured myself that in the dream it was a good thing.

Later I told Hubby about it, wondering out loud what it could mean. The girl was so intent, her eyes boring right into me, that it seemed like it must have significance.

Then, suddenly, I remembered another verse:

"In your book were written all the days that were formed for me, when none of them as yet existed." (Psalm 139:16)

I began to cry. God has my life in his book. Each day is accounted for. Even when I feel like I have no dreams, or I'm trapped, or I'm failing.

That's exactly what I needed to hear.

You see, while life has been good this summer, and full of changes and excitement, when it all comes down, it's been about LovelyDaughter and HER dreams.

Of course, it's all part of my dreams, too, to see my daughter (and all the boys, too) well married and successfully living their lives.

But after next week, life will be back to MY life. No wedding, no honeymoon, no big plans to travel, or be missionaries, or move to another state, or...or anything. Because those are LovelyDaughter's and JD's dreams.

It's been fun to piggyback on their dreams this summer. It feels like life is going somewhere, even though, really, MY life is just staying right here, helping with tree work, supporting Hubby through his depression, doing dishes, cooking meals, trying to help GuitarGeek overcome his chronic fatigue, living with dirty socks and gross jokes and loud music, and other people's stuff everywhere.

But-- God just told me that my days are numbered. He's keeping track. And it's all adding up to a great book someday!

DISCLAIMER: I love my boys very much; even though I joke about "living in a boys dorm," the socks DO get washed, and the grossness only happens occasionally, and the stuff eventually gets picked up, and the music is not loud ALL the time. But some days it still adds up to feeling like my life is all about other people, and who am I?


carrie said...

You are a dear person who will eventually have her house to herself (well except for that hubby ;) ) and then you will have all the time in the world to find out ;) I know that's hard for now, but it'll get better...and as I type this I notice there is a pile of dirty socks in front of my dear hubby's chair...LOL!!

Ronda said...

This was both amazing and bittersweet to read. Yes, God absolutely speaks through dreams and I am so glad that He has reassured you and given you such amazing encouragement.

Bittersweet because you have had all the pleasure and memories and excitment of being involved and planning on a first hand basis in the life changing event of our children. Yet my heart hurts and goes out to you, because I know first hand that the weeks after the ceremony when the emptiness in your house (even though it will still be full) will be very trying in so many ways.

Squeeze every minute of enjoyment out of this that you can, for the time is short and remember this most of all....

God has greater dreams for you then just what you seem to think right now. You wouldn't have such a desire for more if He hadn't placed deeper dreams within you that are waiting for the opportunity to sprout and break through the soil into a young sprout and then mature to a fruition that brings you a deeper satisfaction to fill those areas that still feel somewhat lacking.

Much love in Christ

Ornery's Wife said...

I think it is a challenge we all go through (women whose children are grown and no longer need us on quite to many levels)to find what our niche is in the kingdom of God. You may have been reading my blog about a year ago when I was searching for my purpose and feeling unsettled with not being a contributor to society.

But sometime over the past year, I have settled into the knowledge that my most important task every day is to glorify God in whatever little thing that comes my way to do. If it is fixing dinner, or folding socks or pulling weeds or running errands. As I pass the day, rejoicing in the presence of Christ in me, and being grateful for each and every opportunity to shine light into darkness (even if it is removing cobwebs from the ceiling fan!) a sense of peace has filled my heart with knowledge that, as you say, our days are numbered. God sees and knows and has planned them all out, we just need to grab hold of the promises He has given us in order to experience them.

Praying for you in the coming days and weeks that peace and joy will invade your heart and home in an amazing new way!

mom huebert said...

Thank you, ladies, for your great encouragement. I am so blessed.